Hit Me Baby.. One More Time.

Songs:
Bon Jovi - Lie To Me.
Patti Smith feat. Don Henley - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough.

Cigarette Count : 4.

Almost every song I hear now, including all the dumb hindi songs on the radio, are either songs that I sing, or songs which Anne must be singing. But you know you have a problem at hand when you look for a meaning to a Britney Spears song..

" My loneliness is killing me
I must confess, I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time"
- Baby One More Time, by Britney Spears.

Doesn't matter if its not completely true. Maybe just the first couple of lines. But still. What matters is that its a Britney song. I don't have much against her. She sang Toxic.

Song : Hearts Breaking Even.
Song : This Ain't A Love Song.

Fuck Bon Jovi. I'v been listening to him on repeat.. again. These Days. I love that album. Just love it. And its probably the best they could ever come up with. Words as well as music. Or maybe I just like it cuz a lot of its angry, and about being angry over helplessness. And about going through with things to the end. Or simply cuz its too fuckin dark. Yeah. Thats the word I was lookin for. Its too dark and intense. And the vocals are stretched and the instruments are not underplayed and. Aw. shit. fuck it.

"It would all have been so easy
If you'd only made me cry
And told me how you're leaving me
To some organ grinder's lullaby."


Anne and I broke up last Saturday. She found 'Inside'. And she called up at 2:30am that night, to tell me that I have to put an end to things, making me say that things were over between us. She probably feels better when I say it. Like I'm the one who does all things I say. Anyways, for once, I did not refuse. I told her the truth, even when it killed me each time. But I still wish it hadn't come out. I know what I went through with D, and that was hardly what I wanted her to go through. Now she's gonna go through shit, and just as I predicted, I'm in the position where I can do nothing, just stand and stare at her. Anyways, I hate that nosy behaviour of hers. If I didn't give her the address, it probably meant I didn't want her to read it. And while she was talking about all the things that she's gonna miss, I remained quiet, never mentioning all the things that I'm gonna be missing. And I had the nerve to ask her what search term she used. (I checked out my sitemeter. she used "engineered tobacco freak". She probably found the name on google after searching for my name.) Jay and Knicker were over and watching Yojimbo.
I rather liked what she called reading out my messages from her diary. I wish i could've said no. By her own logic, I should been screaming "Rape!". The only differnce was that my thoughts were typed out on Inside, and not on a diary. I wouldn't have dreamt of going through her diary while she was in the washroom. And she shouldn't have done it either. And thats all I'm pissed at. But its all over, and now that it is, I guess I'm glad. even if that means I failing 3 or less subjects. Fuckin hell.

Zak had a card party at his place tonight. Black Label, and what looked like a gallon of Absolut Kurant. I stuck with the vodka and sat queitly. Ate. No cards. I'm broke. Gin D had a baby 4 days back and he's fuckin puny. I went to her place for the Diwali presents, and met up with DS for some snacks and smokes before that. The baby, it turns out, is a sissy. He didn't like the smell of chicken&ham and B&H on me when I held him and started wailing as if I'd stepped on his willy.
Yeah. I can be that insensitive sometimes. But the truth is, that I was the one who acted like a fuckin sissy by making a fuss over holding him. I'm fuckin scared of little kids. Like, you hold them, and for all you know, they might start wailing like you stepped on their willy. And so you end up making a face which says, "No! I didnt do it!". And then everybody turns around and gives you a stare and you know they're not convinced. They know where you stepped. Anyways, how does it matter? He doesn't even have a name yet. When he does, I'll take him out for a drink and a guys night out thing to compensate for the willy thing I never did.

" Don't worry
I ain't gonna call you
Or hear you say my name
And if you see me on the streets,
Don't wave just walk away
Our lives are getting twisted,
Let's keep our stories straight
The more that I resist it,
My temptation turns to fate."
- Damned.