Hell-drunk to the neck.

Hell drunk to the neck and after comtemplating thinking about writing here after reading scout and smokerings blog, I think I've decided to write and I'm so fuckin drunk I cant even remember the lines I was thinking about writing here while I was brushing my teeth. How drunk is that? I dunno which second I'm gonna puke, but thats saying a lot considering the amount of alcohol that I've got in my body. Every second key that I press is a backspace. Oh. I forgot.

Song : Sheila Nicholls - Fallen For You.
Cigarette Count : 8+.

I told SidS that we should get more cigarettes. I dunno when I'm gonna fall on my bed. But I was wrong so wrong.. that was jus another song you wrote.. Fukcin. hell. her. Anne. What an attempt to forget things. I haven't gotten so drunk in the past 2 yrs. 6+ double Jack Daniels w/ Coke, Chciken snacks, all sorts, on the terrace, of Sam Man, who rocks, cuz he served JD on his birthday, even though he puked while I was eating. I can't believe I havnt done so after having more than 3 drinks. I dont have much of a capacity for alcohol. I'm dry all over. Still .Your walls are still too tough. oh. thats the song lyrics. She blocked me on gtalk and I'm guessing all other things. Theres a draft saved on my comp on sum software whose name I cant remember, which will probably describe how terribly numb I'm feeling after breaking up with her, but not now. For now, I'm gonna listen to all the songs she reminds me of right now, which is the above song, which I dont wanana mention. Thats how drunk I am. Anyways, its amazing how after you break up, every song sounds as if you should be singing it or she should singing it. This ones on repeat, for the 4th time. What the hell. Drunken ramblings. Thats me. Thats probably how I'd like to be. I think I called smkopring a while back telling him how drunk I am. Did you ever see me. Watching from periphery? I was playin another game, I hoped you'd catch on all the same. Wtf.
So anyways, 3rd consecutive day that I think about her, and how she'd be feeling about what happened, and about what I've been feeling about her the past 2 months, which I figured out the night she called me, saturday night, with Knicker jay an me watchin Yojimbo. And she told me that we shouldnt be together and how I knew what must have happened when she said she did something she shoudlnt have, but she did, and didnt regret it much. And I know what I went throguh w D, and thawas sumthing I did not want her to go through, and yes I'm still sane enough to not use real names. I was wrong, so wrong, that was just another song you wrote for another girl. No it wasn't for D or anyone else, but I never wanted anyone else to feel the way I did with D. Especially you. Hell. Sorry. This is no personal letter. But I'll go now, so you'll know now, how much I've thought about you all the while (I just forgot whatever you're singing..).
So how long have I been writing? I could probably write for hrs, and abuse the backspace key as much as I want, but I shouldnt, and I still feel like doing so. There. I puked. So much better now. I'm not so ssad. Just a lil drunk. And I guess I did write a song about you, like a rhyme in my mind, we go for a drive, but we dont go out very far. Never saw you. And I wish the electricity goes and the ups shuts off and miracle saves this post from being published, but its probably not gonna happen, not after me wanting so much for it to not get published. Thats my luck.
Song: None.
Fuck that bitch. Sheila, you make me think too much. I donwana do that anymore. Even while I'm drunk, I shuold be thinking about my CAT and passing my semester exams. Heres the plan. With Anne not there. I'll probably fail in 2 subjects. The 2nd and the 3 rd. I'll have enough time for the 1st and 4th, and the 5th is AI, which I should be able to clear. Then theres the project report to finish which'll probbaly take an eternity, since I got so drunk and depressed. I hate the word 'depressed'. Clinically its a fuckin disease. And I'm sure I dont have it. Bipolar disorder is fine, but not depression. fuckin hell. I'm pretty sure now. I read all the symptoms the other day. I got pretty much all of them. Should I get a bottle of water or should I not? Maybe I will. Too fuckin dehydrated. Anne takes care of herself and I try to do the same.
In the meantime, I've started going out to the university grounds for jogs with my music which is ridiculous, simply because I like the word ridiculous. But they're pretty good too. I wont be that heavy anymore once I lose a little weight, and the next time noones gonna complain. And anyways, theres a couple hot athlete bitches there who sprint over hurdles all the time. I got time to familiarize myself with them.
I dont like the whole givin-back-things-you-gave-me business. I like the book she gave me and I'm gonna keep. With love, Anne. The mp3 cd is probably gonna be given to smokering cuz he shuold probably be listening to those songs, which are pretty good. His gain. He was gonna get it but I forgot. His loss.
Oh my fuckin god. 50 mins. its 3:21 now. I'll go to sleep now. After getting my bottle of water. I missed whatever movie I was supposed to watch on my comp tonight. Fuck. Will probably sleep throughout the day and do nothing. Maybe start workin on the project report.
Fuck ya
ET.