Heaven Sent.

Song: Don't Change (INXS, Greatest Hits on repeat)
Cigarette Count: NA, unless you count yesterday, which was 11.

And that, is exactly how I'm gonna try and keep things the next few hrs. Don't change a thing, for me. I give my CAT in less than 4 hours, and I hate to admit it, that I got a bloody big knot in my stomach. Me, the cool and composed guy with a smile, who doesn't give a shit about his exams, so much so that he missed 4 out of 5 of his midterms. I'm not nervous. Just anxious. I want to do those questions right now, here, in my dirty, crumpled, unbuttoned shirt and Simpsons pajamas, complete with a stubble on my face. I've stolen in a Camel light for today from Smokering, cuz that's what I've been having right before each of the mocks and I've been scoring well. In a couple of hrs, I'll call up D, and hear her wish me luck too. And a dark chocolate right before the exam, cuz its an aphrodisiac. So you see, as far as I'm concerned, my preparations are almost complete. Now if someone would gimme a small ball of hash to get rid of the knot in my stomach... Well. IIM's.. Look out. Bastards. I don't know why I've chosen to get into management. I know engineerings been a disappointment and management would probably gimme a large field to work in. Its just that I don't wanna get into any other fields. So anyway, a list of my top 5 jobs/professions:

1. Novelist. Billion selling and killing. Maybe somewhere on the lines of Salinger or Hornby. I know Doug Adams is almost impossible to pull off. Humor is a must. Even if its silly as fuck.
2. Vocalist in a band. Which is not very possible either. I sound like a fucking JBL bass tube when I sing, unless I'm doing Knopfler, or his kinda stuff, which doesn't really involve a lotta vocal ability. Just a lotta scotch on the rocks. Which means making my living out of singing at a bar.
3. Music/Movie critic in a well-known (but not snobbish) magazine/newspaper. This would be brilliant. I've been able to recognize good screenplays in bad movies with bad scripts, and bad screenplays in bad movies with brilliant scripts/plots. And I can describe characters as well. The only downside would be that I would have to watch movies called 'World Trade Centre' as well. Oh well. I don't care much about biased American sentiments. Atleast I think I can do the job well.
4. Write for travel magazines/sites or work on of those travel channels. Even though I hardly ever watch those. I donwana know how much it costs to go scuba diving.
5. I dunno. For the time being, I'll put in Expert Hairdresser. You suggest something better. I imagine a million haircuts on a million people, and I wear my hair long, and hate them too, so its all well. But then that would require a lotta study and trend prediction and all those fancy things.

There's the music/book library owner too, where I hope to hold discussions and movie screenings.
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To be honest, I'm counting on today to decide the course of my future. And I hate talking about it, but things always get there. Whenever we're sitting wherever with our cigarettes. Like yesterday, when Smokering almost killed me.. "Yeah I think he's got a better chance than the other two..". And even though I laughed it off, it killed me inside. Thats when the whole knot in my stomach started forming. Now why can't people keep such stuff to themselves? He's not the first one who really knows where I stand right now and still say such a thing. And even though he doesn't really expect it out of me, there's always the pressure from within to perform upto my own standards. My standards, set unintentionally by others. I like things to be clear, at least to me. Like all those things in Physics, where all other external influences didn't matter, even if it was just in theory. Think about it. If you start taking the external influences into account, they would ruin most of the studies/theories etc etc.

Fuckin hell. So its 735am and its almost time to leave. My centre for the exam is in.. East Of Kailash. Coincidence? Will the bad vibes kill me? I dunno. I'm gonna go get ready now. Wish me luck.