Ahh. So You Found Me. I Will Not Instigate Revolution.

Song: Was (Kenny Wayne Shephard, Live On.)
Cigarette Count: 1.

Its been some 4 days, and I seem to have fully recovered from the shock. I know I have cuz I've started feeling nothing again. Smokerings got stuff for me and I'm happy. Its been long. Abstinence is good if you plan to catch on again once in a while. Narcotic. Not sexual. So day after, I start with my internals.
There's a million other things to do, and a million other forms to fill. I have my first internal on Monday at 12, and before that, I'm gonna get myself a draft and goto someplace which is some 25kms from my place, fill the form, submit it, go back to give my internal, and then finally go back home. And its better this way, I guess. When you have a couple of million things to do all at once. I manage to do complete almost all the tasks in lesser time than I'd have taken otherwise. Working under pressure becomes an addiction. You wait very patiently for things to get heavy, for the build up. And all the while you sit and observe, look at things passing by, and smile. And finally, when its time, everything seems to work in your favor. Somehow, things go right. Its almost like listening to the song.

Song: All Along The Watchtower (Dave matthews Band, Live Cover.)

You wait for the song to build up, keep walking, cigarette in your hand. And with the first roll of the drums, the nicotine kicks in, the wind hits you right in the face, and the growling "laaattte..." gives you goosebumps. And so you bite into your lip and break into a crazy half-supressed grin, trying hard to hide the movement of your lips, the rush, the madness. And then your neck starts grooving and your insides start moving, as the song builds up, and the world starts revolving around you. The tempo goes higher, and the song reaches its climax, leaving you exhausted, like you just had a fucking orgasm. Your eyes had been open all the while, but you need to re-focus, and look around, and re-adjust to your surroundings. And see where you've reached. You're home, babe, you're home.
You ever felt that? I seem to miss the walks from the metro station to home. Its been some two weeks. There are no new songs that give me that rush, there's no The End or Stairway To Heaven, or even a Dry County or Something To Believe In for that matter. I avoid carrying my earphones with me these days cuz I donwana listen to any shitty music and I donwana listen to any of the old stuff. There's some stuff that you just have to avoid.
There's a connection between my music and the way I live. I'm still waiting patiently for the buildup, enjoying each cigarette, anticipating each beat and unconcsiouly preparing all my moves. And I know I'll be vulnerable to all the things around me, when it happens, but I hope that it's worth it. Its a fucking long life and I hope that the climax/orgasm is equiavlent in its duration.
I avoid having alcohol alone or too often. I consume less cigarettes when I have the day off and I'm home. I decline offers of weed from most people. All these rules donot apply during festive season or when I'm not in the city. I plan/hope or dream of having 3 full yrs, maybe 4, but no less, to myself, travelling across India and then across the world, after which I might quit all forms of intoxicants. Except music. I know I'll never be 16 again, and that music will never be the same again. But it'll always be right here with me, and it'll always be right.
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News today. Theyr closing shops, the motherfuckers, which leaves a good no. of traders, suppliers, manufacturers and employees jobless. 3 suicide attempts in 2 days. And now the latest is, that if they have it their way, they're gonna close down the biggest wholesale market in Asia within a month. Which means about 100,000 more shops closed down, or about a million people fucked with. Thats fuckin 10% of the city's population. Which also kinda kills a lot of my plans. Fuckin hell. I got a shop there and as of now thats the only source of income to my family. And I had big plans for it. No time for anything else now. Time to get involved and look for other things to do. I'm pretty confident. My dad made the right moves at the right time and I'm sure things can be worked out without having the shop and office there. Theoretically at least. I'm banking on that. I need my fuckin MBA. Next yr or the yr after that. Fuckin hell.